The lightning scared the cat

Dear Friend,
We had a thunderstorm last night. It seemed to pass directly over the house. I was looking out of my window at one in the morning, seeing the yard lit up like daylight. Only it wasn't the warm light of day, it was the cold, bluish light you only get from a storm. Just then I heard a scratch at my bedroom door. Apparently the thunder scared Zoe.
Which, frankly, scared the **** out of me!
I am very used to the idea of a pet being frightened by a storm. We had a dog who was afraid of thunder, in addition to hot-air balloons, trash bags and fly swatters. He hid during each storm that came within earshot. I also had a hamster that once gathered up every single piece of food in her cage and carried it in her cheeks until the rain had passed. So, I'm aware that animals can be concerned about the weather.
However, I've never had a cat freak out at some thunder. I've had house cats nearly my entire life. House cats don't worry about weather. They don't worry about anything. They're cats. Their job is to be fed, pet and loved. They've never been rained on, or felt strong wind. The environment is always kept at a comfortable temperature for them. So what would they care about a storm outside their oh so comfortable house?
I'm sure you've heard of those stories with animals acting strangely before disasters? Well, so have I, and coming up to my room at one in the morning is strange behavior for this little cat. Therefore, I was half convinced that we were going to have a tornado rip through the house or something. I spent the duration of the storm sitting up, reading and trying to take my mind off of my impending doom.

Turns out, the cat is a chicken who's freaked out by loud noises. And yes, the thunder was loud. There was very little delay between the flash and the boom. But still, I had a very short night's sleep for no real reason.

"But most of all I wish that I was someone else but me"

Dear Friend,
Don't take that title too seriously. I've been having a rough time. Friday, I had my laptop at the library for the free wi-fi (since downloading a large amount slows our home's Internet down to a crawl) and something went "boink." Yeah, first I lost all of my podcasts from itunes then when I tried to type everything was coming out backwards and when I tried to restart the blue screen of death came up, telling me it needed to check a disk or some other such. I didn't, because something seemed to go wrong with that. So when I finally got back to what I was doing, guess what! Every last thing in my itunes library was gone. Yes, GONE! My Dad and I were going through my backup files, since I'd saved them all to back up back in December when I had everything wiped out with a virus. We couldn't find them for a long time, and I ended up getting so frustrated I cried. Yeah, I was crying in the library, such fun.
Thank God, we finally found them. The not so good thing is that I need to organize them all into play lists again. I have something like 2,000 tracks to organize. I hated doing it last time, but I'll have to do it again.
I went out and bought an external hard drive, just so I wouldn't panic if this ever happened again, but as they say "Act in haste, repent at leisure." I hate the program this hard drive came with. I know I can get something else, but I'm a bit of a dunce at computers and I'm dead sick of asking my Dad to fix everything. I probably won't be online as much for a few days, just because I'm sick of working on this problem.

Hey, anyone know about this virus that's supposed to pop up on April 1st? I think if I have another problem on this laptop I may scream. I've been ready to just chuck Victoria (that's the laptop's name, remember) out of a window for the past 3 days. The only thing that stops me is the fact that I just bought a tablet that I love using, even if I am stumbling my way through it. If I have to deal with another virus I don't know what I'll do. I've run sweeps with Malware Bytes and Webroot, but I'm not sure if that would cover it.

I'm off, to pray and remind myself that this is just "stuff" and "things" and not the important parts of life.

Well, that was painful

Dear Friend,
So, on Nov. 30th something evil entered my laptop and rendered it essentially useless. I didn't get a chance to get it up and running again until today. I lost most of what I had on here, but at least was able to save my pictures. I still needed to load all the programs again, and as yet have no itunes on here.
Being without a time-waster for 4 days was pretty hard on me, but I think due mostly to the fact that it wasn't my fault. Something invaded my computer. I felt attacked and angry. I was really upset.
I'm deeply upset that the site I was on when it happened was one of my favorite to go to. I'd been going to DeviantArt for over a month, and now I'm afraid to go back. I have no idea why this happened, but if that site's to blame I never want it to have another chance. But, oh how I'll miss the art, especially certain artists.
Oh well, life goes on. And it's like I got a new laptop; it's not like some time away from the internet hurt me, anyway.

Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?

I'm at one of those times in life that everyone experiences, I think. I need to make a choice between something that could be perfect for me, or take a chance that something even better might be just around the bend. It's a hard, though somehow nice, place to be. I almost feel as though all the world were before me, but if I make the wrong choice then I'm screwed. Lots of prayer...
I had yet another of those dreams. Not heart breaking, or even sad. It made me curious to write and ask how the "crush at first sight" was doing. In the dream he apparently was engaged, and the "lucky girl" wasn't me. I won't ask anyone how he is, it would be a little too embarassing. I'll just go along, as I had been until this morning, rarely thinking of him, until finally I think of him no more. I do find it odd to dream of him now.
Besides fasting secular music I am also fasting soda and "sweets". I could have given a million dollars for a chocolate chip cookie today. Last weekend I'd have paid that for a Mountain Dew. I'm in the final week, though, and to give up now would be depressing. Winners never quit and quitters never win. Didn't some 80's cartoon tell us that? Or something?
I miss people today, probably because most of my CO friends were in the dream I had. I hope they're all well and happy.

"Too many shadows in my room"

I've wanted to disappear for a few days. Not literally, I feel invisible in my own space enough as it is. I wanted to just vanish as far as my old friends in Colorado are concerned. It was one e-mail that seemed to trigger it. A friend sent a quick note to me, he just wanted to say hi. He asked me to write back when I had the time. I wanted nothing more than to archive the letter and never acknowledge it again. No reply, no phone call, nothing.


I answered him a little while ago. I just didn't feel right, knowing he'd wonder if I were mad at him, if I were ok, what was going on, and all that sort of thing.

I know how it is when a friend just doesn't acknowledge that I exist anymore. It hurts. Yet, at the same time, I've done it. In a few instances I have no regrets for doing it. Mostly because they didn't bother trying to get in touch with me again, either. Somehow, I don't want to lose touch with CO, in spite of the fact that I have lost touch with every other place I've lived in. I don't really have old friends who turned into pen-pals. Most of the people who I tried to stay in touch with got out of touch with me. Most of the last letters were from me.
Left unanswered.

I think I'm afraid of it all happening again. I want to beat them to the punch. I want to hurt them before they hurt me.

But I can't.

I love all of them too much. Not just him, but all of them. Even if I go weeks, or eventually months, between their letters. I still love them.





Till next I write.

Quirks, what makes you... well, you

I love peanut butter, but hate peanuts. When I told my boss this little fact, I couldn't explain why, so I just said, "One of my quirks, I guess."
That comment amused her.

Face it, everyone has weird preferences or habits that make sense to no one but themselves. Another of mine happens to be that I will sooner go into a room that I know has a spider loose in it than I room that I know has a moth loose in it. I don't mean big, ugly, gonna-take-over-the-world moths, (though I believe those are the epitome of yech!) but even little, tiny, where'd-it-go-I-can't-find-it-because-the-thing-is-tiny moths. Such as the moth that took up residence for two days in my work area last week. I was so freaked out by the thing that I was afraid to kill it. I'm sure it would have been amusing for you all to see me flailing a box cutter (don't worry, the blade was retracted) at a half-inch, harmless insect. I know that stupid little minion of the underworld was mocking me.

So maybe I exxagerate. Slightly.

Anyway, yes, I know that moths are harmless, but I find them to be the ultimate evil, straight from the pit of hell. (Did I mention I exxagerate?)

It's actually a little bit like my Parakeet, Robbie. I love to buy him new toys, but there's one problem. No toy is safe, they're all out to kill him. Under no circumstances is he to touch one, in fact, it's safer just to climb the cage walls than to risk contact with the malicious object. At least, that's what he thinks, for at least a month of the object being in his cage. Yet, the cats, oh, the cats are his best buddies. A cat by the cage is the most welcome thing ever, they'd never hurt me, we're family. All the while, of course, those cats are planning how to best open the cage to get to this jumpy, little blue snack. This is why God made sure that Robbie was born a pet, he's so stupid he'd die in the wild. I'm quite thankful that God trusted this cutie to my particuliar care.

Sammie, the newest addition to our pet family, (who happens to be laying on my arms as I type this) is a grey and white cat, about 3 years old, who prefers to back up rather than turn around, it would seem. Usually, this occurs when she's sitting on window sills, but occasionally at other times, too. This is in additon to the fact that one minute she'll be rubbing your legs, the next she'll be hissing and taking a swipe at your ankles. That, I suppose, is more nerves than quirk.

Well, I suppose I'm done relfecting on various "whims and inconsistancies" (another of my quirks, using any opportunity to quote my favorite books and movies) for now.

Till next I write!

I admit, I don't know

Here I am, 23 years old, and I have no idea what I am going to do with my life. My dream is to be an author, and get married and have a family. I don't know how to get there.

So, what am I going to do about it? I'm going to pray. For those of you who know me, that statement coming from me is radical and strange. My mom would probably act shocked to read it, knowing that it came from her daughter. She's been pressing me (it seriously feels like nagging, but I'd get in trouble to call it that) to do so for oh... years. I guess when you just reach that point of desperation, and realization that you're stuck you finally get it that God's the only one who can tell you what to do.

I'm also going to (privately in my own journal) write down exactly what it is I want. And I'll go into specifics. This will be done prayerfully and carefully. Really, I've gone through most of my life just letting it happen.

That changes now.