You and I Both

Ever smiled a sad, sad smile? When you feel that sensation of bittersweet memories of things that, sadly and gladly, never happened? I feel that every time I hear Jason Mraz's You and I Both. The "almost but never really was" sensation is just as comforting as it is hurtful. It makes you feel as though you lack while at the same time you're incredibly blessed.

Then again, maybe I'm the only person who ever feels like that.


But I doubt it.


I allowed a terrible, irreversible, and ultimately harmless thing happen. My ipod dropped into a pan of paint as I was helping paint our sun room. It was in a case, the paint was shallow and it landed face-down at a slight angle. This resulted in painted streaking across the click-wheel or whatever it's called. There's a bit of paint on the screen, and in the hold switch. It plays just as well as it ever did. However, due to the fact that in addition to this "awful" thing, there's a mark across the screen whenever the back light comes on (a result of a fall last January on my birthday) I am now in the market for a new ipod. Thank God for tax returns. I may need to look for a job soon in order to justify replacing a functional though imperfect $250 toy.

I dreamed of the "crush at first sight" the other morning. I think that's why I specifically played Jason Mraz. Someday, he'll leave my head, whether awake or asleep.

I'm not made for a "buggy" climate. As I write this I'm making quick glances around my room, dreading the possibility of finding some winged thing eagerly making it's way to the glow of my bedside lamp. That's part of why I loved Colorado: there were very few bugs. And of the few bugs that were in the state, even fewer flew. At least, that's how it seemed to me. I admit the yearly miller moth invasion always had me in a state of anxiety but it was only once a year. I probably have mentioned that I feel more at ease (or is it less ill at ease?) in the presence of a spider than in the presence of a moth.
I've now moved, and there are more bugs on our 5 acres of land than were in the whole state of CO. Perhaps I exaggerate, but it does seem that I have seen more insects in the last month than I saw in 5 years in my last home. The bugs also seem bigger, or more dangerous. The moths in VA are big moths, big black moths. Eww. Occasionally I would come across one wasp or hornet before. I see 5 at least daily here. My mother and I were attempting to unpack our garage with the doors open in an attempt not to overheat, but the wasps coming in for "friendly visits" drove us out 4 times.
Last night I was minding my own business watching TV when I suddenly heard the familiar sound of a disoriented moth hitting a ceiling. It was fluttering around a floor lamp and scared the hell out of me. Yes, I realize that moths don't bite, but that doesn't make them any less evil. Thank God my cat, Zoe, was in the room with me. She has a passion for eating moths. The mere sight of one will make her spring to her feet and chase without relenting until it's in her mouth. I love that cat. I think she killed a wasp one day. We must not have been home as we would have discouraged such behavior.
I hope to adjust so that I'm not ducking in fear with every step out of my house. If not I'll simply count the days until I can get a house in less of a wilderness environment. I know that insects are vital creatures, but I don't want them anywhere near me.

Armitage thoughts

I've seen Richard Armitage in three roles. Each new role has a new hairstyle. The hairstyles have been going downhill.
The first time I saw him was in North and South. Grand miniseries (ha, grand and mini... it's nearly 2 in the morning, cut me some slack) adapted from Elizabeth Gaskells novel. Nothing amazing about his hair, but it looked good on him. Heck, he looked good on his own... but the hair did help. Even when it was covered by that hat, that tall, tall hat. How he didn't hit things with that hat I don't know. Heck, maybe he did, it just wasn't on camera.
Then I started watching Robin Hood. His hair is too long. Guy of Gisborne is also way too evil, and potentially abusive. Yet, he still has his moments of looking good. You know, when I'm not wondering if he's wearing eyeliner. I love heavy eyeliner for myself, but I'm not so sure about guys, let alone guys in period shows.
I've been watching the Impressionists. Fascinating miniseries about my favorite artist(s). I'm finding out a lot of things that will certainly change how I look at their art, but I must admit that the first shot of Young Monet made me wonder "What is on Richard's head? It can't possibly be hair!" Fortunately, by the second episode he's had a haircut, but the beard is growing longer by the second.

I need sleep...

10 hours of TV leaves me fried

I watched ten hours worth of television programming today, my friends. And when you break it down, I only watched 3 shows.
I've been telling my mom about Robin Hood since before I started watching it. Today, in honor of "Tax day" they had a marathon of all the episodes that have aired in the US. Since my mom had trouble jumping in at the third episode, I told her in advance that she could start from the beginning today. She also used the time to sort through some paperwork, while I felt unwell and didn't do a thing. She enjoyed it, very much. I, however, having seen them all already was slightly bored and eventually the huge screen of our 60-something inch TV game me a headache. I took a break from looking at everything for awhile, and just listened to dialogue while I used my laptop. Strange, is it not, that a computer screen didn't bother me...
Just as "Brothers in Arms" (current favorite episode of mine) was ending, my dad came home and Planet Earth was starting on Discovery HD. I've been watching that with my dad since it started. I've gotten a little bored with how repetitive it's seemed, though. I feel like every single week I see elephants and hear about the life cycles in oceans. Thankfully, there wasn't an ocean episode tonight, though there were elephants. I adored the birds of paradise, actually. Those and the otters. Quite entertaining watching the otters gang up on an crocodile or alligator, I forget which.
After that, I don't know why I watched the Apprentice. I probably watched it because I've been watching with my mom since the beginning of the season. I don't care who wins, as I hate all of them. Tonight's episode was particularly dull since no on was fired. The task wasn't even interesting.

I'm surprised I'm still capable of coherent thought after such a marathon of the boob tube. Especially now that it's nearing 1 AM.

I know what I'm doing Saturday nights!

So, I've been watching and enjoying Robin Hood on BBCAmerica ever since we had DirectTV installed. Tonight was the first time it ever made me say "Good Lord!" in shock. I've gasped at moments, but tonight I gasped three times. Yeah, for some reason I'm really into this show. I've heard it described as "utter rubbish", but I like it. I think it must be a sort of "giddy teen" show. Not a stupid "angsty, dramatic teen" show, but definitely giddy. I like "giddy teen" shows, that's why I watch a grand amount of Disney channel shows.
Anyway, just wanted to express my admiration of this "stupid" show. It's entertaining, though imperfect.

Internet at home: Time to waste

You Are a Ring Finger

You are romantic, expressive, and hopeful. You see the best in everything. You are very artistic, and you see the world as your canvas. You are also drawn to the written word. Inventive and unique, you are often away in your own inner world. You get along well with: The Pinky Stay away from: The Index Finger

What Finger Are You?

Your Mind is 33% Cluttered

Your mind is very free. You've liberated yourself from most worries and problems. And even if something does start to clutter your mind, you're easily able to let it go.

How Cluttered is Your Mind?

Grammar banishment

Excuse "myself" but when did we banish the word "me"? Last time I checked "me" was a legitimate word with it's own proper usage. In my everyday life, however, few people seem to believe this. Three distinct times this morning my pastor misused the phrase "you and I" as an object of a sentence. "Jesus died for you and I." Well, yes, in a way that's true, Jesus died for us, but if you dropped the "you" out of that sentence you'd sound pretty foolish saying "Jesus died for I."
Not only is it in my church (where it has, by the way, afflicted every person I've seen standing behind the pulpit. They all get it wrong) but also nearly ever TV show I watch. The worst offenders would include "The Apprentice" and daytime court shows or talk shows.
It probably comes from people having a phobia of using "me" after "and." Really, everyone, it's OK to do it, you won't die. Grammar Nazi monkeys won't jump out and attack you for saying "and me." After all, if they haven't attacked you by now for all the mistakes we as a society make in our beautiful yet misused language, they never will.

Thank you, and goodnight.

The light at the end of the tunnel isn't a train

Everyone gets stressed. "Anyone who tells you differently is selling something." OK, I'll try not to quote Princess Bride anymore. I think I butchered that quote anyway.
Anyway, everybody gets stressed. The only difference I see for anyone is how they handle it. I don't think I'm too great at handling hard times. "And I just pray that problems go away if they're ignored." OK, I'll try not to quote Relient K songs either.
Things are good right now. I know that I'm getting Internet at my house soon, I don't know the date but I know it's coming. It's a bright sunny, but cool, day that makes everything seem happy, and I just caught sight of an infant in a funny hat and smiley face shirt. Babies make me smile. I have e-mails to answer, so I feel missed and loved. Really I'm not too hard to please.
Then again, I'm not too hard to hurt either.

I like myself that way.

In the middle

I'm going through another of those times during which my life is just short of being awful. None of my problems are big enough to be "important" but nothing is right. All around me things seem so dissatisfactory and they all need just one thing to go horribly, horribly wrong. Then again, just one thing could go delightfully right. You never know which way things will turn, and the optimist in me believes that things will go wonderfully. When the pessimist in me gets a chance to speak (when she wiggles out of her gag, you know) she tells me life is on the verge of being over. That's when I hit her over the head with a happy club, tie her up and throw her in the closet again, but that little seed of doubt lingers. I hate little seeds of doubt.
At least these sorts of mood let me get the benefit of my non-happy music. I don't have much, but it's worthwhile to listen to in these "troubled times".
I wonder if I've always been so over dramatic.

In other news; two disgusting creepy crawlies have been in my bed at two different times. The first was an ugly, big beetle that greeted me first thing one morning. It was right in front of my face. Yuck.
The second was a spider that fell onto my arm at 2:30 am. It was small, black, and decidedly fast. Eww.
Surprisingly, I dealt with the spider much more easily than the beetle. After the beetle I was afraid to go into my room for the rest of the day. After the spider, I killed it, cleaned it up and went right back into my bed. I wasn't really tired, despite the late hour, but felt I should be sleeping anyway. Weird me.

Randomly Random Randomness

I ought to be writing out e-mails, I ought to be uploading videos, I ought to be home painting (my room shall be orange, and maybe my blog will be in April, but I haven't decided. If you haven't noticed, I've decided to change the color of my blog every month) but I'm writing in my blog for no good reason. I suppose I could justify it by writing about my new home, my new furniture, my new found hatred and loathing of wasps (even more than the dreaded moth) but I won't.
Instead, I talk about whatever the heck pops into my head as I sit here in Panera, downloading stuff from Itunes and eating a cinnamon chip scone. Ahh, the good life.
I enjoyed the covers of Zombies songs by Blake and Chris from this week's American Idol. In a fit of boredom I turned on that show... despite Sanjaya still existing... ugh. I can't really believe I'm buying the originals, yet I am.
Elliot Yamin's debut CD was worth waiting for. I couldn't get it the day it came out, they were sold out. I guess that's what happens when you live in his hometown. They love him around here. He was signing Cd's at a store here yesterday. I didn't go, I don't consider meeting celebrities to be the most amazing thing I could ever do.
Isn't chocolate milk lovely?
I was watching What Not to Wear this morning, and decided that Stacey and Clinton would rip into me with horrific enthusiasm. I hope I never meet them, I like the way I dress. Even if I do still shop in the juniors section.
I hate that my downloads take so long at this Panera, it says I have to wait 4 hours for something to load. If I didn't have a life I wouldn't care, or even better if I had Internet at my house. Sadly, neither of those is the case.
Lewis Carrol is a delightful author. While reading his books and poems I find it hard to believe the bad stories about him. He'd be interesting to talk to. Sylive and Bruno is so much more entertaining than the Alice books that I'm surprised it's not more popular. The Hunting of the Snark is great, "For the snark was a boojum you see."
I think Matt Theissen of Relient K would be cool to talk to. I've never watched him just being him, but just from his song lyrics he seems interesting and thoughtful.
Michael Buble has a new cd coming on May 1! Come on May! Love that man's voice.
I want Internet at my house. I want it now. Screw patience, I'm throwing a temper tantrum until I get it. Oh wait, that won't help anything. Darn.
Bye...