Dear Friend,
Have you been especially nostalgic lately, like I have? Do you also begin to remember the ends of old summers come "back to school time?" Or have you grown and matured to the point that you don't really notice anymore?
For some reason seeing notebooks and pencils take prominent store space each August still fills me with the same sadness and uncertainty that it gave me when I was small. I enjoyed school very much, I just didn't want to go back. Summer had been too short, surely it had been longer last year! I still wanted to wake up late, play in the sunshine, go swimming or running through sprinklers and watch Price is Right if I wanted to.
Now, they only part of that list that I still do is wake up late. At 24 my summers are not what my summer was at 12. But I still feel disappointment at seeing back to school sales.
I recently put up my cork board for small, temporary things that I like to hang on the wall. I put a few photos up and realized a sad thing: I have pictures of people I used to know, not friends that I have. Occasionally I'll send or receive e-mail from these people but they are decidedly in my past. I don't have anyone outside of my immediate family in my present. This fact troubles me, especially now that I must admit I don't know how to change that.
I read someone's account of making a new friend recently. One thing that struck in in the story was the author's claim that they "recognized" this stranger as a friend immediately. I remember being able to feel that way, the last time I felt it was in elementary school. Back then I could walk up to a person, say "Hi, my name is ______, what's yours?" and suddenly I had a best friend. I realized sometime in my teens that it doesn't work anymore. I don't know if I lost some ability to spot a "kindred spirit" from across the room or if children just have simpler needs from companions. I'd like to think it's the latter, but I fear it's the former. I've stumbled or been pushed into some friendships since then, and I've loved each of my friends no matter how awkward or long our acquaintance-ship (I don't think that's a word, but who cares) was. I just wish I had an "insta-friend," though. I hope when I get a job, or something, I find one.
There's always hope.
