I Quit

Dear Friend,
I quit the Camp NaNoWriMo.  Sorry, but the motivation just wasn't there.  I still love the character I was writing about, and may someday try again to tell her early story.  Or I might just leave it in flashbacks or my own head as I write other stories with her.  Who knows, but there's still plenty of possibilities. 

This experience has left me thinking about quitting, and when it's OK or not OK to give up.  I don't like to quit.  I guess hearing the phrase "Winners never quit and quitters never win" so many times in my life actually set the idea firmly in my brain.  Even when I hate doing something I keep at it.  Most of the time, anyway. 

The biggest thing I ever quit was piano.  I started piano lessons around age eight, and continued steadily until almost eighteen.  I had a large range of teachers, from great to horrible.  The worst of my teachers would change the fingering of pieces, making them harder to play, so that my fingers would look pretty.  Even when she was telling me that I knew she was full of garbage, and I wasn't one of those kids who questioned my teachers. 
My last teacher was a great teacher, and I learned a great deal from her.  Most likely, if I hadn't moved while she was my teacher I would have kept learning from her for a long time.  However, I did move, and when I thought about looking for a new teacher, even working on an audition piece, I was less than enthusiastic.  I had learned a good deal from this teacher, but I hadn't had a lot of fun.  She entered me into a lot of competitions, so a good deal of my practice time was preparing for those, and I never actually liked the compositions she chose for me to compete with. 
That was when I realized, I had been playing songs I either didn't care about or outright didn't like for ten years!  I loved that I knew how to play piano.  I loved the sound of the instrument, I loved classical music.  I didn't love playing only classical music.  By the time I could play a song well I had analyzed and memorized and gone over the music so much that it didn't sound like music anymore.  It sounded like an exercise. Music wasn't fun.

So I quit. 

I've tried a few times in the ten years since to get back into piano, and am on a pretty good run right now.  I can play and enjoy it.  I've missed a lot of really important years of practice, and I've forgotten a lot of things that I should remember, but I like doing it now. 
Don't get me wrong, it's still work, hard work, but I'm able to go at the pace I want, and play what I like.  I'm considering going back to a teacher, but for now I'll enjoy making music.  Not perfect music, just music. 

Spring Cleaning?

Dear Friend,

Despite the drop in temperature today, I feel that lovely feeling of Spring.  I know it's still only February, and the weather can still throw us a few cold and uncomfortable days, I know that soon it will warm up, flowers will bloom and trees will be green again. 

Unfortunately, that also means that bugs will return, crawling through the house and flying at the windows, driving me to distraction.

One thing I've never really "gotten" about this time of year is Spring Cleaning.  Yes, I understand that it is generally a time that people can open windows and air out the house, change seasonal wardrobes and generally a good occasion for making things tidy, I get that.  What I don't get is why Spring, exactly?  No matter where you are, what the weather is like, the tradition is Spring Cleaning. 

Spring Cleaning has never been my favorite task.  I wouldn't call myself a slob, exactly, but I tend to be on the, let's say relaxed spectrum of cleaners.  I keep my workspace very tidy, but otherwise I won't cringe at the sight of a little dust.  The idea of going through my things and organizing them isn't palatable. 

For this reason, I'm almost alarmed at my actions for the past week.  I've been going through everything from my Netflix queue to my followed Twitter accounts and "pruning."  I think every set of lists and links that I have has been significantly cut down this week.  And the urge to minimize has not been satisfied yet.  I imagine in the next few days I will resort to pulling out entire drawers and storage bins and chucking possessions willy-nilly. 

This is not like me. I'm the woman who has toys that I can't bear to give up scattered about her room, to the extent that small children think I'm about twelve years old.  I have shirts that I got when I was ten. (Very few, possibly two, and they were very large for me then) I have two dresser and two closets, for heaven's sake!

The only time that I've ever noticed people ridding themselves of possessions to this level has normally been before moving.  I'm not moving, am I?  I'm almost afraid that my spirit or subconscious are subtly telling me that something is about to change.  I don't feel like anything is about to change, and in a way that worries me.  Change always comes when you least expect it.

Does my wondering about change qualify as expecting it, therefore meaning that nothing will change?  Hmm...

Birthday? Today? Really?

Dear Friend,
Twenty (something) years ago today I was born.  That, apparently, is a reason to celebrate. As usual, the uncontrollable act of growing a year older has left me thinking over my past, present and future.  Perhaps someday I will pass the twenty-sixth day of the year without becoming so pensive, though this year isn't the year that it will occur.

I actually celebrated on Monday, since the weather forecast for today was not compatible with a grand day out.  My mum and I went shopping, to many of my favorite stores, and ate lunch at my favorite restaurant, Noodles and Company.  It was a pleasant day, with a lot of laughs and resulted in my acquiring a new pair of boots.

As for today, it has been a lazy day, a rainy day, a calm and pleasant day.  Thanks to Netflix I was able to try a new television series, The Murdoch Mysteries.  It was fun to watch, fulfilling many of the little categories that indicate an interesting show for me; Canadian, period setting and solving mysteries.

It seems to be my parents have established a tradition for my birthday, buying me Breyer model horses.  This year I received the models made for the World Equestrian games and the 60th Anniversary of Breyer.  They're both very pretty, very dramatic sculptures that I think will compliment my extensive collection nicely.

Well, last year I wrote about feeling like I was on the edge of a big change.  Considering I'm writing this entry in almost exactly the same circumstances as I was when I wrote that one, it would seem I was wrong.  There are two ways to react to this, with frustration or with hope.  I will choose the latter.  Though I no longer feel that a big change is waiting just around the corner, I do know that God has a plan for me, and as long as I'm living my life for Him, I know I'm living for something.

I'm off to watch the original Ocean's 11, which I've never seen before.

Another birthday, I look forward to many more.

Snowy snowy snow!

Dear friend,
It's snowing and cold here in VA as I write this. It's snowing enough that it's covered the entire back yard. I stood at our guest room window and watched the snow fall and had a memory.
I remembered standing in the parking garage at Andrew Wommack Ministries, having been let off work early because of the snow. (That doesn't happen too often at AWM, or many other places in Colorado.) I stood near the garage door, looked up into the sky and watched the white flakes float across the grey sky. I remember thinking, "I'm leaving soon, I'm leaving Colorado, and might not see snow like this again. I'll miss it."
Well, friend, I just saw snow like that again. Maybe things will be all right after all.

I can't believe it happened again!

Dear friend,
I've just had a birthday and so I'm due for an introspective and retrospective spell. Well, you know what, I'm skipping it this year. I'm tired of looking back at who I was and worrying about who I will be. I do it every blessed year, and I refuse this time. So I've changed, so what! So have you, and everyone else around us. If you don't change in the course of a lifetime why bother living it?
Doesn't seem to matter anyway, I once again was charged the ages 9-12 price at Golden Corral today. Granted, the cashier thought I was 16 or so, and was being generous to my family, but for goodness sake I'm TWENTY-SOMETHING! I eat about as much as your average 12 year old, so I didn't make a fuss.
You know, I really do eat in child sized portions, but I'm a good, healthy (by that I mean not stick thin and not tubby fat) weight. It's all very weird, really. I wear size 8 at Old Navy to give you an idea of my size.
My wonderful brother got me the Freakazoid DVD set, and I'm making them last by watching only one episode a day. So far I've only watched 2. Wait for a boring day, I'll watch all the rest anyway. I watched 5 seasons of Gilmore Girls in less than the time it took ABCFamily to air season 2. I power through DVD sets most of the time.
I made a livejournal, finally. It has the most predictable name for me, so if you're interested in the one post I made there, look me up. I don't know what I'll do with the thing since I'm quite satisfied with my darling blog here. I've considered putting all the nonsense I'm loathe to write here; such as which celebrity guy I'm currently "luving" or random thoughts like "Is Des and Penny's son named Charles Pace Widmore Hume? What a long name for such a small child." or stuff like that. (Aside, spell check tells me Widmore isn't a word, but Hume is, weird.) We'll see if it lasts.
My fanaticism for Rob Paulsen has died down, slightly. I'll never stop luvin' that guy, but I'm no longer watching something involving him or searching him on You Tube everyday. I guess I'm too caught up in LOST right now. I luv Faraday so much. I love that he loves Charlotte, and that he's taking a sort of leading role in what's left of the survivors. By the way, is Sawyer the last living survivor on the island? I think everyone else from 815 that isn't an Other or aspiring to be is dead. Poor Sawyer.
I watched an episode of Top Gear that had two of the dragons (Theo and Peter, both completely rich and partly awesome) from Dragon's Den on and then compounded the awesomeness by giving me Richard Hammond on a gorgeous horse! Richard looked way too small to ride that horse, but still, it was a beautiful hunter. I luv Richard, too; if I didn't like him so much I'm not sure I'd watch that show. Yeah, the guys are all funny, but it's a car show. Most of the things they say about cars sound like "blah, blah, blah, engine, blah , blah, horsepower, blah." by the time my brain processes it. But then they do stupid things like light campers on fire, and drive old cars across Africa and make their own stretch limos and I laugh and laugh and laugh.
I guess I've rambled enough. Stay beautiful, you lovely people!

High fructose corn syrup adverts! Really?

Dear friend,
Strangest of things, I have nothing in particular to write about. I'm merely trying to stay awake until a show comes on, this late Friday night.
I finished watching the DVDs of the television show "Life" earlier tonight. I missed the entire first season because I was trying to sleep when it came on. I still find it strange that the prime time segment of television is one hour later on the eastern half of the country than it is in the western half. Who really stays up to watch the 11 o'clock news? Anyway, I enjoyed Life, but I don't think I could get engrossed in it like my other shows. I was certainly captivated by the story, but I don't think it's the sort of show I could watch over and over again.
OK, I just had the weirdest thought. It's natural to type as I think. I remember in school, when I had to learn how to type I thought I'd never be able to do it. What really made it natural for me was to go into chat rooms, usually talking about cartoons, and being the verbose and loquacious nerd that I am I had to learn how to type quickly to keep up with the other not so wordy participants. Now I can, and actually am doing so now, watch television and follow the dialogue and plot while I write out my thoughts. Though my tiyping still isn't perfect, it's an extreme difference from what was.
As you can tell, change intrigues me. Yet I can't take it calmly when it happens too quickly. Slow change, so subtle that you don't notice it, is pretty awesome to me.
I should probably stop writing, before I stop making any sense whatsoever.

Was I really like that?

Dear friend,
My brother is here for the week and decided that we should transfer home videos onto DVD while we can still use the VHS. It's a good idea, which of course means that we have ended up watching the videos as they transfer. And I can't believe that the little 6 year old that I just saw doing the most basic of gymnastics moves, and skipping back into place after each one, grew up to be me! I honestly don't remember being that enthusiastic about anything, let alone in public where every one's parents were nearby.
I do happen to remember being a "look at me, look at me!" sort of girl when a camera was involved.
It's also fun to see how many different ways my Mom did my hair when I was younger.
It's fun to see my brother, especially in 80's and 90's clothes. I'm certain that a certain pair of sneakers my brother was wearing at my 6Th birthday party are being sold again at Journeys.
It's odd to see your life in clips. I'm now quite sure I won't audition for any reality TV shows. Like I was considering it to begin with. (Haven't found a clip of me developing my sarcasm, but maybe it's there.)

New Layout, so why not post?

Dear Friend,
I felt for a richer color scheme, and to get rid of any sort of media related images in my intro and title. So, what do you think? I love the rose picture, but am a bit concerned that it is, well, huge. We'll see how I take to it.
I also wanted to stop using the Robin Hood banners because, although the artist who made them made them really well, the show sucks. I haven't truly watched it for the past month. I've had the TV on, and looked up when something "interesting" happened (usually when Much or Gisborne were on screen) but even that has been getting to be too stupid. I have been told that Much tells Robin off in the finale, so I may keep trying, just to see if my favorite character finally gets a backbone.
I'm looking forward to seeing Wall-E this Friday. I'm hoping to see it before the "kiddy" crowd sees it, because though I love animated movies and kids, I'm none too fond of them put together. I also want to see Wanted with Angelina Jolie and James McAvoy. Now, there is a contrast. Strange thing is, I've not seen an R rated movie yet, and since the first PG-13 movie I saw sucked, I've held out on watching one until I had picked a great movie. I've decided that the Godfather will be the first R movie I watch. I just need to find the time to watch it. The problem really is, I'm a wimp. No, really, I watch the AFI countdowns and when they show clips of the Godfather they always show the same clip of people being shot in the head, and this one clip that obviously is deemed suitable to air on prime time TV sends me into shock! How I'll get through that entire film I don't know. Then, if I find that I can't make it through the Godfather, I doubt I'll make it through Wanted, rated R for "strong, bloody violence" throughout. Yeesh.
I'm actually slightly apprehensive about the next Batman film. I'm such a wimp.

Catching up

Dear Friend,
How've you been the last few days? I've been busy, but it's been the good sort of busy that leads up to a desired end. A very desired end. I can't wait for the end, really. This past Friday was the K3 Celebration at school, and now there are no more classes with the little dears. I'm half relieved and half sad to think that I won't have a hand in molding their young minds anymore. I won't miss the tantrums, the tattling, the yelling, or the crying. I will miss the smiles and laughs and discoveries that mark that age as well. I'll miss the hugs and "Hello Ms. S" and random stories they tell you about themselves. I didn't cry at the goodbyes, and almost feel like an unfeeling jerk because of it. I just don't think I'm cut out for being this sort of teacher, so I don't want to prolong the time.
Two more weeks at the school, I suppose. Then life finally moves on again.
In entertainment news... I'm becoming obsessed with the Itunes commercial for the exclusive song Viva la Vida by Coldplay. If I hear it come on TV I stop what I'm doing watch the commercial. I haven't decided if I'll buy it. I've never listened to Coldplay before. What? Don't look at me like that.
So, how about LOST. So glad that Des and Penny reunited. So sad that Dan and Charlotte said goodbye. Surprised to find that I prefer Kate with Sawyer to Kate and Jack. Dismayed to discover that most of my concern for this show revolves around the relationships. Ha, maybe not. I'm really wishing the next season was coming really, really soon so I can find out what happens to everyone. I wasn't shocked or awed by who was in the coffin. I almost didn't even care. I want to know what's up with Claire. I also want to know what happens to the people in the boat, do they move with the island or are they stranded in the middle of nowhere on the ocean? Otherwise, the finale did well with tying up loose ends of this season. BTW, Penny can't die. I'd cry for days. Or not, but I wouldn't be happy.
Watched Cranford (DVR'ed from PBS) today. It felt like it went on forever and wasn't about anything in particular. It was good, and sweet, but slightly boring. It was like real life, a bunch of small happenings to a large group of people. I won't buy it, or watch it again soon. I like Gaskell, usually, though I haven't read any of her books. Wives and Daughters was about Molly Gibson, North and South was about Margaret Hale and John Thornton, but Cranford was about everybody.

I guess that's it friend,
See you next time.

Coming to an end

Dear friend,
As I'm sure you know the school year is almost over. I have only four more days to work with the children, and officially two weeks after that to clean the classroom. Then I am free, Free, FREE! I don't plan on taking a full two weeks to get out of there, but I don't know if the people in charge are as eager to be rid of me as I am to be rid of them. I can't imagine that I've been altogether pleasant an employee, but I have tried to be professional and up-front about what I thought was fair. This is the only "job" I've disliked. (Job is in quotes because it's only my second paying job, but I've worked at more than two places, and I've worked at a school before.) I remember that at the beginning of the year I told myself that once I was used to the work I'd love it, since that's how I usually am. It wasn't true with this place. Perhaps I'm naive, but I don't think you should work at a job that you don't like. I used to say I wouldn't work a job that I didn't love, but at this point love seems far out of reach of work. I do, however, want to wake up on some Monday mornings without a sense of impending doom and dread. I don't know (still) what's next for me, but I'm not too stressed about that. I wasn't expecting a real summer vacation, but maybe I'll take one anyway. I've got the rest of my life to be responsible and adult over the summer, you know.

In less heavy thinking, I was sick of the last layout and header the instant I put it up. I'm not actually that crazy about Guy of Gisborne, and though Richard Armitage was the only reason I started watching Robin Hood he really isn't enough to keep me watching it. Honestly, it's Much that I ended up adoring. It's maddeningly difficult to find out anything about Sam Troughton, the actor who portrays the lovable Much, but that's OK. What I have found out about him leads me to believe I wouldn't actually like him all that much. I do like his character very much though.
Also very airy and light in thought, I love how the English say "strawberry" and "squirrel".

Pixar: Have I missed my calling?

Dear Friend,
Well, friend, I have quite decidedly made up my mind that I will not be returning to this school next school year. I am not quite sure why I was there this year, I just know that's where I feel God led me, and now I just have to trust him to lead me again next year.
I've felt drawn to studying or pursuing art as a career. I have no concrete plans yet, but I'm considering it. One particular reason, I suppose, is that I wish I'd studied animation simply to work at Pixar.
I bought "To Infinity and Beyond: The story of Pixar" about a month ago and recently read through it. I knew I liked this company before, but I think I adore it now. I didn't know about Ed Catmull before, and didn't know much about John Lasseter, Andrew Stanton or even Brad Bird before I read this book. I didn't know very much about the difficulties of the medium or even how an actual hand-drawn animation background could help in computer animation.
This book is so informative that even trying to sum up the specific things I've learned would take far too long, and might be tedious to those who aren't rabid fans like me. Personally, I found the story of the start of this studio and even the people who work there to be inspirational. I love that these people knew what they wanted to do and just pursued it. Despite discouragement they persevered.
Talent isn't enough, determination and inspiration are requirements.
If only I'd had some focus, maybe I'd be living in California working at the coolest company I've ever seen.
Well, I'm not doing that. I'm at yet another time of change and uncertainty. I guess there are a lot of those in life, huh? Come on new bend in the road!

Happy New Year

Dear Friend,
Do you remember the list? My goal list for 2007? Let's see what I managed to accomplish on the list. Bold text means I did it, ok?

1. Grow closer to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ
2. Finish reading the Bible through for the 3rd time, and possibly start the 4th
3. Return to regular piano practice (when I get my piano back)
4. Return to regular guitar practice (ditto)
5. Start sewing again
6. Learn Spanish
7. Learn Italian
8. Learn to really crochet
9. Learn to play bass guitar
10. Either learn to play the drums or get rid of my insanely sudden desire to play them
11. Learn cat grooming (maybe dogs, too)
12. Finger train Robbie
13. Make Friends
14. Finish all my season set DVDs
15. Learn to cook
16. Read at least one more book by Charles Dickens
17. Read at least one non-fiction book for the year
18. Watch at least three "classic" movies
19. Go to either New York City or Montreal
20. Finish a knitting project
21. "Recon" some clothes or shoes
22. Redecorate my room in colors other than blue, green or purple
23. Join at least one musician's "fan club"
24. Get a part time job and/or go back to school
25. Organize my music
26. Take a cake decorating (or other cooking stuff) class
27. “Downsize” my purse
28. Get the courage to sing in public (so that I’m heard)
29. Get the courage to dance in public
30. Memorize at least 4 Psalms, and 5 New Testament verses

Not too bad, huh? Especially since not a one of these was a resolution. I've changed my mind on a few, but most of these are still goals. It's late, I hope you have a blessed and happy new year!

Dear Friend,
This is where I found the awesome icon this entry is displaying, and many others that rock just as hard.
Now, the real reason I'm writing to you today, friend, is this: I'm starting to really like Chuck. Honestly, I has become the replacement for Psych right now. I'm sad to think that it's probably going to be "gone" soon thanks to the WGA strike. Between Chuck and Heroes Monday night is my TV night now. And thanks to the strike that will soon be over.
As far as the strike goes, I've only heard the side of the writers, and obviously the solutions sounds simple, give them the money. I haven't heard the perspective of the studios, yet I doubt I'd really end up changing my mind. I just want it over so I can get back to being entertained. Especially since only half of next season's LOST is filmed, production has ceased for the Office and they're threatening us with reality TV.
What do you think?

Out goes July, in comes August

Dear Friend,
How was your month of July? Mine was mostly sacrificial, what with the fast, but ended in a lovely way. Our family got great news from my brother, who is currently living in evidence that hard work and prayer put together really pay off.
I hope your August began better off than ours, though, as we had, withing 24 hours rather frustrating news from him, but not his fault. People can truly be selfish jerks, you know. He will get through this, I know, and we won't let it get us down, now will we? After all, it doesn't change the good news from yesterday.
Today seemed to be the day of the unwanted creatures. This morning the first thing my mom saw outside her window was a snake on the patio. She, unfortunately, doesn't have a very high opinion of snakes. You could almost say she's afraid of them. It only got worse when, as we drove up the driveway returning from errand running, we look over to see my dad flinging a snake out of his workshop, which mom and I enter frequently. It was a case of very bad timing, as Dad didn't want mom to see it, since we all know she'll be wary of entering said shop from now on, and we really need to get things done in there. Only a short time after that, as Mom went to the backyard to feed the birds she let in a butterfly. I've often mentioned (or ranted on if you prefer) my fear of moths, but my hatred of butterflies is equal to it. I may have also mentioned that our cat, Zoe, likes to catch and eat moths. I scurried upstairs to grab the cat, bring her down and point her in the direction of the loathsome insect. She performed her job just as I'd like, including a cute performance of running around the room, looking straight up at the butterfly flapping against the ceiling. The instant it dipped low enough for her to grab, Zoe had it, and as it was too big to eat in one big gulp, she chewed it into pieces. If I didn't love that cat so much I'd think she was disgusting.
Well, friend, I hope the change of the month was as fun and interesting for you as it was for me.

Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?

I'm at one of those times in life that everyone experiences, I think. I need to make a choice between something that could be perfect for me, or take a chance that something even better might be just around the bend. It's a hard, though somehow nice, place to be. I almost feel as though all the world were before me, but if I make the wrong choice then I'm screwed. Lots of prayer...
I had yet another of those dreams. Not heart breaking, or even sad. It made me curious to write and ask how the "crush at first sight" was doing. In the dream he apparently was engaged, and the "lucky girl" wasn't me. I won't ask anyone how he is, it would be a little too embarassing. I'll just go along, as I had been until this morning, rarely thinking of him, until finally I think of him no more. I do find it odd to dream of him now.
Besides fasting secular music I am also fasting soda and "sweets". I could have given a million dollars for a chocolate chip cookie today. Last weekend I'd have paid that for a Mountain Dew. I'm in the final week, though, and to give up now would be depressing. Winners never quit and quitters never win. Didn't some 80's cartoon tell us that? Or something?
I miss people today, probably because most of my CO friends were in the dream I had. I hope they're all well and happy.

The light at the end of the tunnel isn't a train

Everyone gets stressed. "Anyone who tells you differently is selling something." OK, I'll try not to quote Princess Bride anymore. I think I butchered that quote anyway.
Anyway, everybody gets stressed. The only difference I see for anyone is how they handle it. I don't think I'm too great at handling hard times. "And I just pray that problems go away if they're ignored." OK, I'll try not to quote Relient K songs either.
Things are good right now. I know that I'm getting Internet at my house soon, I don't know the date but I know it's coming. It's a bright sunny, but cool, day that makes everything seem happy, and I just caught sight of an infant in a funny hat and smiley face shirt. Babies make me smile. I have e-mails to answer, so I feel missed and loved. Really I'm not too hard to please.
Then again, I'm not too hard to hurt either.

I like myself that way.

Randomly Random Randomness

I ought to be writing out e-mails, I ought to be uploading videos, I ought to be home painting (my room shall be orange, and maybe my blog will be in April, but I haven't decided. If you haven't noticed, I've decided to change the color of my blog every month) but I'm writing in my blog for no good reason. I suppose I could justify it by writing about my new home, my new furniture, my new found hatred and loathing of wasps (even more than the dreaded moth) but I won't.
Instead, I talk about whatever the heck pops into my head as I sit here in Panera, downloading stuff from Itunes and eating a cinnamon chip scone. Ahh, the good life.
I enjoyed the covers of Zombies songs by Blake and Chris from this week's American Idol. In a fit of boredom I turned on that show... despite Sanjaya still existing... ugh. I can't really believe I'm buying the originals, yet I am.
Elliot Yamin's debut CD was worth waiting for. I couldn't get it the day it came out, they were sold out. I guess that's what happens when you live in his hometown. They love him around here. He was signing Cd's at a store here yesterday. I didn't go, I don't consider meeting celebrities to be the most amazing thing I could ever do.
Isn't chocolate milk lovely?
I was watching What Not to Wear this morning, and decided that Stacey and Clinton would rip into me with horrific enthusiasm. I hope I never meet them, I like the way I dress. Even if I do still shop in the juniors section.
I hate that my downloads take so long at this Panera, it says I have to wait 4 hours for something to load. If I didn't have a life I wouldn't care, or even better if I had Internet at my house. Sadly, neither of those is the case.
Lewis Carrol is a delightful author. While reading his books and poems I find it hard to believe the bad stories about him. He'd be interesting to talk to. Sylive and Bruno is so much more entertaining than the Alice books that I'm surprised it's not more popular. The Hunting of the Snark is great, "For the snark was a boojum you see."
I think Matt Theissen of Relient K would be cool to talk to. I've never watched him just being him, but just from his song lyrics he seems interesting and thoughtful.
Michael Buble has a new cd coming on May 1! Come on May! Love that man's voice.
I want Internet at my house. I want it now. Screw patience, I'm throwing a temper tantrum until I get it. Oh wait, that won't help anything. Darn.
Bye...

Ok, so I'm a year older, now what?

So yesterday was my birthday. I went shopping, just to get out of the RV and out of this town and away from the stress and hassle that is finding a house, not to mention other stresses and hassles that have come in varying degrees and sources of late. We drove about an hour away, to a huge outlet mall, where I didn't buy nearly as much as I inticipated buying. I did, however, buy something I never thought I'd ever buy. I bought Beatles music. I bought the "1" CD. I also bought "flare" jeans. On top of that, I bought flip flops.

Now, all this may sound as normal as any shopping trip for anyone. The thing is, I realized that the person I was at my 21st birthday would have been utterly horrified to find that three years later she'd be doing any of this. I know I've mentioned before about how my mind has changed oon certain things, for example, the color pink, wide-leg vs. bootleg (and now "flare") jeans, and now music like the Beatles.

Change is a normal, natural part of life. However, sometimes we stupidly expect everything about our own personality, what makes us us, to stay the same forever. We think we'll be of the same mind from one hour to the next, from one month to the next, from one decade to the next. Whether it's big like religious beliefs or political opinions or it's small like favorite color or prefered style of shoes; we never expect ourselves to change.

Then again, maybe I'm just the only person who wanted to be the same from year to year.

I am glad that I've changed. I haven't changed in essentials. I still place faith in what I placed faith in then, God. Sure, I've trusted in people and ideas that have failed me, I've been wrong on certain things, but the one thing I've "always" believed in hasn't changed. I've learned more and my understanding has grown and changed, but God has never left me or forsaken me, and He never will. I still love what I loved then, I still hate what I hated then. Ha ha, I still think moths are evil. I'm growing.

I'm broadening my horizons. I'm learning. I'm forming my own opinions.

I still compare myself to my past, which I've been doing ever since I finished my first journal. For so long I didn't seem to change. I suppose I'm happy that I seem to be growing now.


What was the point of all this? I don't know.



random confession:
As "rock" as I try to be, I've got about as much "edge" as a pretty, pink, bubble gum bubble. I will always love pop music.

The ups and downs of life

I've come to the conclusion that life is a series of changes; some you welcome open-armed, others you run and fight, kicking snd screaming to avoid. I know that I'm hardly the first to come to this conclusion, and I won't be the last. It's just that realizing that nothing witll ever stay the same, or be ok forever makes it easier to bear those silly little problems that you encounter everyday. I refuse to let this "problem" that I'm facing right now send me into the cave of depression and self-pity. Sometimes you need to make a personal resolution public, which is the only reason I'm blogging about this.

And sometimes, You just need a cup of cocoa... which is why I'm drinking one now.

Adjustments...

If you remember a few months back when I said that I had experienced "crush at first sight" for the first time in my life you will also remember that I said I was getting over it. Well, I lied. I never brought it up again because I knew that it was going nowhere. You would think that now that I live across the dang country from him that I'd have a better grasp on the fact that it was going nowhere, but for some reason I think more about him than any other friend I left behind. I'm talking to more friends than I used to when I lived there (some weird part of me prefers to write to people instead of speak to people face to face) and he isn't one of them. When I left he didn't ask for a phone number or an e-mail. You'd think I'd get the hint that he's not interested.
I do get that hint, I really do. He never acted interested, and I never truly expected him to. So why did I wake up from a dream about him this morning? Why do I see things or people that make me think of him and then smile because of it? Why do certain songs that had no association with him before make me remember him?
Am I that pathetic that I would fixate on some man that I will never have? Am I avoiding my doubt and fear about this move by obsessing with a "safe" issue that will never be resolved? Am I turning my remembrance of Colorado as home into a picture of him as the perfect man for me?
Am I thinking about this too much? Probably. I think that in a few months I'll be so over him that if I do think about him it will merely be a memory of a very nice guy, not "the one that got away." I sure hope so. When I force myself to be reasonable (an activity that frankly I avoid when I can) I remember that there were things about him that annoyed me. With several hundred miles between us it's harder to remember that.
He does, however, hold the distinction of being the only guy friend of mine that I was never sarcastic with. I never once said a flippant or facetious remark in his presence. Even Ray can't make that claim.

In more "fluffy" news, my parakeet, Robbie, loved the drive out here. I'd been worried that being in a car would frighten my poor birdie, but he adored looking out the window and seeing the scenery fly by. He's even enjoying our current cramped living conditions. He seems to like that we're all in one room together most of the day. He's the happiest I've seen him in the year that I've owned him. I've also bought the second volumes of Animaniacs and Pinky and the Brain. Good times. In addition to LOST DVDs and tapes I've had lots of entertainment despite not having any sort of cable or satellite for the first time in years.

I'll adjust to this change, just as I adjust to all others. Eventually I will love VA, just as I loved CO. At least, I hope I will.

Till next I write!