Allow me to be nostalgic

Most girls go through the "boy-band" stage. I was fortunate enough to not be enamoured of Nsync or Backstreet Boys or 98 Degrees. I was head over heels for BBMak. I fought it, really, I didn't want to be into a boy band, but they got me. I still love them, they just don't exist as a band anymore.
As for the members themselves, I can't find a dang thing about Mark Barry (my favorite member...)
Christian Burns is in some group called Inhaler. (Sorry, honey, the "guyliner" isn't fooling me)
But happily, I found that Ste McNally has a site with acoustic samples of the songs he's trying to put on a CD. Here! Ste MAK in all his glory!
His voice was my favorite in the group, and his guitar playing was the best in the group, and so I'm happy as a peach right about now. (That is, if peaches are particularly happy) Sadly, his lyrics are about as mentally challenging as walking through a revolving door. Then again, I don't quite go to pop to think deeply about life, do I? My favorite song happens to be Blue Jeans, sounds oh so original doesn't I? Ok, so maybe I'm needlessly sarcastic, but I really do love the song. Reason for Breathing also happens to be one of the most cliche ridden songs I've ever been subjected to, but I truly think I could listen to this guy sing the users manual for a toaster right now.
I've been listening to BBMak a lot lately. And I just have to wonder why these guys weren't more popular. The songs are fun, the harmony is great, they were cute! That's all that a boy band needs for success, really, isn't it? I blame Hollywood Records for not enough publicity. Sure, they were all over Disney Channel after their first CD came out, but the second CD was barely advertised. That sucked. Maybe the world just wasn't/isn't ready for a boy band that doesn't do choreographed dances. Well, it's hard to do all that junk when you're holding a guitar. They chose the music over the dance, so there! Yeah, I'm nuts.
What I really think the problem was happens to be the fact that there were so stinking many boybands in the 90s. Every time you turned around there was a new one. They couldn't all survive.
I'm off to listen to more of "Ste Mak's" songs. (The boy really needs a more normal sounding name. What's wrong with Steve or Stephen anyway? And McNally isn't that hard to say...)

Till next I write!

Ok, so I'm a year older, now what?

So yesterday was my birthday. I went shopping, just to get out of the RV and out of this town and away from the stress and hassle that is finding a house, not to mention other stresses and hassles that have come in varying degrees and sources of late. We drove about an hour away, to a huge outlet mall, where I didn't buy nearly as much as I inticipated buying. I did, however, buy something I never thought I'd ever buy. I bought Beatles music. I bought the "1" CD. I also bought "flare" jeans. On top of that, I bought flip flops.

Now, all this may sound as normal as any shopping trip for anyone. The thing is, I realized that the person I was at my 21st birthday would have been utterly horrified to find that three years later she'd be doing any of this. I know I've mentioned before about how my mind has changed oon certain things, for example, the color pink, wide-leg vs. bootleg (and now "flare") jeans, and now music like the Beatles.

Change is a normal, natural part of life. However, sometimes we stupidly expect everything about our own personality, what makes us us, to stay the same forever. We think we'll be of the same mind from one hour to the next, from one month to the next, from one decade to the next. Whether it's big like religious beliefs or political opinions or it's small like favorite color or prefered style of shoes; we never expect ourselves to change.

Then again, maybe I'm just the only person who wanted to be the same from year to year.

I am glad that I've changed. I haven't changed in essentials. I still place faith in what I placed faith in then, God. Sure, I've trusted in people and ideas that have failed me, I've been wrong on certain things, but the one thing I've "always" believed in hasn't changed. I've learned more and my understanding has grown and changed, but God has never left me or forsaken me, and He never will. I still love what I loved then, I still hate what I hated then. Ha ha, I still think moths are evil. I'm growing.

I'm broadening my horizons. I'm learning. I'm forming my own opinions.

I still compare myself to my past, which I've been doing ever since I finished my first journal. For so long I didn't seem to change. I suppose I'm happy that I seem to be growing now.


What was the point of all this? I don't know.



random confession:
As "rock" as I try to be, I've got about as much "edge" as a pretty, pink, bubble gum bubble. I will always love pop music.

Maybe it was the hat

The other night, I went with my parents to a buffet. I had already had my own dinner, but I figured I could get dessert, and maybe a salad. (Perhaps this sort of thing could explain why my pants aren't quite fitting the way I remember... naw, they just shrunk in the dryer) Anyway, I had half a plate of salad, and a "slice" of a big cookie, and then we were all done my mom glanced at the receipt and discovered that they cashier, when we first walked in, had assumed I qualified for the children's price. That cashier thought that I looked like I was younger than 12 years old! I am one week away from my 20 (something)th birthday and this woman thought I was 12! This is ridiculous! Do I exude some sort of aura of immaturity? Did I stop aging as a teenager? Was it the hat I was wearing? It must have been the hat.

I'm sure when I'm "old" I'll be flattered if someone thinks I'm 10 years or so younger than I am. But right now, it's just really weird.




I am sad to report that yesterday we became a one cat family. Still sad about that.

Get Thee to Barnes and Noble

It's not really like me to refer people to certain stores or name brands, especially when they aren't paying me, but B&N has such a sale on TV season sets that I felt I must tell all of you.
Now, they have a buy one get one free sale on their TV section. Thanks to this, I now own the entire run of Twilight Zone. Which brings me one question: Why on God's green earth are they charging $100 for each season normally? Even the imported All Creatures Great and Small DVDs (which my parents bought and my father and I are now enjoying) are only $80. Those are imported! TZ has no such problem that I know of. Oh well.

You may have noticed that I've put a lot more links on the left. I'm just showing a few places that I get my icons. Most come from the Iconarama page. A few of those links I haven't used any icons from yet, but I plan to.

Too many "me"s

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 54 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Why do I consider this big news?

Considering all the things that are going on in the world right now, why do I feel the need to link all my readers to this newstory? The guy who invented Instant Ramen died.
I have no idea why this seems so momentous to me. Maybe it was his quote in the story about the world not going hungry. Maybe I'm grasping at material for this blog that isn't "woe is me, mylife sucks even though nothing's wrong, wah!"

Personal fluff, my parents and I went to the national Gallery of Art today. I've come to the conclusion that modern and contemporary art reminds me of Sesame Street. I have no idea why. It just does. I got to be in the same room(s) as my absolute favorite Monet paintings, which was just plain awesome. I've also discovered that I actually like Andy Warhol, who knew?

Till Next I write!

"Too many shadows in my room"

I've wanted to disappear for a few days. Not literally, I feel invisible in my own space enough as it is. I wanted to just vanish as far as my old friends in Colorado are concerned. It was one e-mail that seemed to trigger it. A friend sent a quick note to me, he just wanted to say hi. He asked me to write back when I had the time. I wanted nothing more than to archive the letter and never acknowledge it again. No reply, no phone call, nothing.


I answered him a little while ago. I just didn't feel right, knowing he'd wonder if I were mad at him, if I were ok, what was going on, and all that sort of thing.

I know how it is when a friend just doesn't acknowledge that I exist anymore. It hurts. Yet, at the same time, I've done it. In a few instances I have no regrets for doing it. Mostly because they didn't bother trying to get in touch with me again, either. Somehow, I don't want to lose touch with CO, in spite of the fact that I have lost touch with every other place I've lived in. I don't really have old friends who turned into pen-pals. Most of the people who I tried to stay in touch with got out of touch with me. Most of the last letters were from me.
Left unanswered.

I think I'm afraid of it all happening again. I want to beat them to the punch. I want to hurt them before they hurt me.

But I can't.

I love all of them too much. Not just him, but all of them. Even if I go weeks, or eventually months, between their letters. I still love them.





Till next I write.

New Year Goals (Not Resolutions)

I just want to do these things this coming year, I won't be disappointed or feel like a failure if I don't do them. These 30 items just seem like stuff I'd like to see happen in 2007.

1. Grow closer to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ
2. Finish reading the Bible through for the 3rd time, and possibly start the 4th
3. Return to regular piano practice (when I get my piano back)
4. Return to regular guitar practice (ditto)
5. Start sewing again
6. Learn Spanish
7. Learn Italian
8. Learn to really crochet
9. Learn to play bass guitar
10. Either learn to play the drums or get rid of my insanely sudden desire to play them
11. Learn cat grooming (maybe dogs, too)
12. Finger train Robbie
13. Make Friends
14. Finish all my season set DVDs
15. Learn to cook
16. Read at least one more book by Charles Dickens
17. Read at least one non-fiction book for the year
18. Watch at least three "classic" movies
19. Go to either New York City or Montreal
20. Finish a knitting project
21. "Recon" some clothes or shoes
22. Redecorate my room in colors other than blue, green or purple
23. Join at least one musician's "fan club"
24. Get a part time job and/or go back to school
25. Organize my music
26. Take a cake decorating (or other cooking stuff) class
27. “Downsize” my purse
28. Get the courage to sing in public (so that I’m heard)
29. Get the courage to dance in public
30. Memorize at least 4 Psalms, and 5 New Testament verses

I've been reading the blogs of various singer/songwriters that I like. I've come to the conclusion that I, unfortunately, will never be that interesting. I guess that's how they're able to be good songwriters, they have these thoughts that are worth hearing. More comes to them in one second of random thought than I would think of in an entire day of reflection.
That is something that I've envied in some of my friends, they're random and funny. I can think of some funny things that are related to something I've seen or heard sometimes, but I can't be weird and random for no good reason. You may think that's a weird thing to envy, but I don't. Sure, some people want to have a quick wit that would work for scathing comebacks to insults (sadly, it still doesn't always work that way. I've found the only way to quickly think of a comeback is if you don't care what they just said to you. If you care, the hurt of the insult slows your reaction time.) but I just want to be plain odd sometimes.
For example, On Radio Free Roscoe (golly, but I miss that show) my favorite character was Parker. She was just weird. I suppose the polite term for it would be "quirky". Sure, she's a tv character and her lines were scripted, but still I wanna be like her. In reality, I'm more like the drummer from "No Man's Land" (I think her name was Megan, but I'm not sure) she barely spoke. I think she was only around because the show wanted a drummer for the band, Lily played guitar, Parker played bass, so they just added someone unimportant to play drums. Oh well.
Off topic, but I find drummers to be "interesting" people. I feel like usually once you meet a drummer, you know it. They're usual incessant "drumming" with their fingers or hands is a good tip off. I want to play drums, but I'm not that fidgety usually.

How did this post go from writing about being and interesting writer to being a drummer? Maybe I am random and quirky after all.

Happy New Year! I'll post some goals for the new year in a few days or so.

Till Next I write!

What I've learned this Christmas

I've just spent Christmas with my mother's side of the family for the first time in my life. I figured out that family means nothing while at the same time it means everything. I've never felt close to any of my extended family. Yes, biologically we're connected, but I've never felt too much emotional connection to them. Maybe it's the fact that I didn't grow up around family, I grew up in places where getting together with them happened after years of being away from them, and only for a few days at a time. Sometimes a few relatives would come out to visit, and then after they left, I got on with my life. I'm not used to them. On top of all that, I'm not very social. I'm quiet, I don't open up to people within a few minutes or even hours of meeting them. It takes a long time for me to be comfortable around strangers, and to me, these people feel like strangers. And so, "family" means nothing. Yet, at the same time, I realized, I do know these people. I can see familiar themes, in their words and phrases and their mannerisms and voices, in their appearances and faces. I slip so easily into the cadence of speech, I start to use the accents and slang. Even if I don't remember them, I do know them; which means, "family" means everything.

That's one thing I learned this Christmas. Another is "It's not easy being green." I know that needs an explanation. I bought, with my Christmas gift money, Sesame Street Old School: Vol. 1, and watched with joy "Bein Green". Maybe it was just the fact that it was so late at night, but I just suddenly got it. As a quiet person, "It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things, and people tend to pass you over, cuz you're not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water or stars in the sky." (Still with me?) But then, Kermit sings about all the good things green can be, "The color of spring," or, like I feel quiet can be "cool and friendly-like" and of course green can be "big like an ocean, or important like a mountain or tall like a tree." So, like Kermit, being green, or me, being a little quiet, if it's "all there is to be, it can make you wonder, but why wonder, why wonder? I'm green and it'll do fine, it's beautiful and I think it's what I wan to be." So, the whole point of my ramble here, is just that, don't try to change to please other people, especially when those people aren't all that important anyway, and you can find something you like about your difference. Then again, maybe I've just had too much hot chocolate lately.

Another thing I learned, today, driving back to Virginia from Maryland, with a frightened cat on my lap as I sat in the back (tiny) seat of my Dad's truck with a big trailer behind us and Jeremy Camp's Beyon Measure playing on my ipod, no matter how rough, strange, uncomfortable, off-balance my life has been or will be, God has given me all I have, and has so much more waiting for me. He loved me enough to give His son, and his giving won't end there. Praise God, and bring on the New Year!

Till next I write!